AAR & SBL Meeting Advice

I’m off to San Francisco for the joint AAR/SBL meeting on Thursday to go drinking with my Kiwi Bronies and I’ve noticed some “advice” posts around the place that are mostly boring.

Here’s proper advice:

1) Don’t bother buying any books until you check whether you can download a pirated PDF of them first. Plenty of places will also give you a mailorder form with the conference discount anyway. Fuck that 20% shit because you can get it cheaper off Amazon at that price anyway. Don’t feel guilty about violating a “Thou shalt not” or scamming the author and publisher out of money; they don’t need any more. As Reverend Roland Boer teaches us, religion scholars and theologians are all decadent bourgeois slobs. He is as one with the common man, and if he can live on the salary of a semi-skilled boilermaker, anyone can.

2) West Coast wines aren’t necessarily the swill we’ve been lead to believe. I had some very nice Oregon pinot noir last year.

3) If you need to save money, crash receptions each evening. Don’t worry if you don’t fit the ethnic or sexual demographics of your hosts, or never attended the particular Canadian graduate divinity school laying out the nice desserts. I’ve crashed Hispanic ministry forums, lesbian scholars receptions, and eaten grits from the mouths of British Evangelical bible colleges and no one ever cared.

4) Stand out from the beige crowd: don’t dress like a used car salesman for once. Seriously. Think about leaving that corduroy blazer at home this year and maybe pick up a new tie at the airport. I know your wife gave you that one you like, but chances are you’re a complimentarian so that bitch is back in Kansas raising your spawn.

5) If you’re a charming drunk, get drunk.

6) Remember Jesus’ brony?Jesus’ brony spent, like, twenty minutes chatting up this one chick who totally turned out to be from Regent. Don’t be like Jesus’ brony, brony.

7) Sometimes the moral choice is not the best choice. Did Steve Jobs stop Apple becoming the Uniting Church of the tech world preaching mid-90s post-colonial theory and anti-domestic violence initiatives? No, BB, no he did not.

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2 responses

  1. Pingback: Words of Advice for SBL/AAR Conference Attendees « The Dunedin School

  2. Pingback: Biblical Studies Carnival 69 (November 2011) | Remnant of Giants

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