The Space Race is back! Eggheads have found a planet 600 light years away in the “habitable zone” around a star. OMG “most Earth-like planet ever” guys!

Don’t listen to these bourgeois cynics who tell us that the “habitable zone” is kinda misleading because it’s not just Earth that’s within the habitable zone of the sun, but Venus as well. Fuck that shit. The Americans are already looking for alien life there.

Is there no end to their rapacious imperialism and ideology of infinite growth? Did Avatar teach them nothing?

It’s time to repeat the glories of Sputnik! It’s time to take socialism to the stars and claim this quite probably barren and uninhabitable world 6000 trillion miles away for the workers of the galaxy!

Obviously the Chinese National Space Agency will take the lead (check out their logo) this time, but let us not forget the heroes of the Soviet space triumphs. Proletarian heroes of labor such as Abdul Ahad Mohmand – the worlds first Afghan cosmonaut! And he’s living a life of boredom in Stuttgart, looking for a more exciting job offer!

Remember that episode when Captain Picard went back home to France after some “horseplay” with the Borg and he was tempted to go work on that ocean mapping project or whatever? Yeah well it’s basically that. We’ve got our captain.

I mean him or Comrade General Kim Jong-Un, obviously.

4 responses

  1. How the fuck can they see something that far away? Two words: Lizard eyes!

    December 7, 2011 at 8:21 am

  2. Remote viewing, I imagine. Or maybe like a big ass telescope or something…

    December 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm

  3. On other matters, you really need to encourage Heerak Christian Kim, or perhaps Phlap Apierak or Otto Tien-Pok Xing, to write a book advising Korea’s govt how to move forward –

    December 11, 2011 at 10:58 am

    • His life in an increasingly complicated piece of performance art. We must meet this man! He’s undoubtedly the most interesting religion scholar working today. Deane should be encouraged to devote a special issue of Relegere to the Heerak/Phlap/Otto phenomenon.

      December 11, 2011 at 12:36 pm

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